Understanding Engineers

chuter

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Understanding Engineers - Take One
Two engineering students crossing the campus when one said, "Where did
you get such a great bike?" The second engineer replied, "Well, I was
walking along yesterday minding my own business when a beautiful woman
rode up on this bike. She threw the bike to the ground, took off all
her clothes and said, "Take what you want." The first engineer nodded
approvingly, "Good choice; the clothes probably wouldn't have fit."

Understanding Engineers - Take Two
To the optimist, the glass is half full. To the pessimist, the glass is half
empty. To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.

Understanding Engineers - Take Three
A pastor, a doctor and an engineer were waiting one morning for a
particularly slow group of golfers. The engineer fumed, "What's with
these guys? We must have been waiting for 15 minutes!" The doctor
chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such ineptitude!" The
pastor said, "Hey, here comes the greens keeper. Let's have a word
with him." "Hi George! Say, what's with that group ahead of us?
They're rather slow, aren't they?"

The greens keeper replied, "Oh, yes, that's a group of blind firefighters.
They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we
always let them play for free anytime." The group was silent for a
moment. The pastor said, "That's so sad. I think I will say a special
prayer for them tonight." The doctor said, "Good idea. And I'm going
to contact my ophthalmologist buddy and see if there's anything he can
do for them." The engineer said, "Why can't these guys play at night?"

Understanding Engineers - Take Four
What is the difference between Mechanical Engineers and Civil Engineers?
Mechanical Engineers build weapons and Civil Engineers build targets.

Understanding Engineers - Take Five
The graduate with a Science degree asks, "Why does it work?"
The graduate with an Engineering degree asks, "How does it work?"
The graduate with an Accounting degree asks, "How much will it cost?"
The graduate with an Arts degree asks, "Do you want fries with that?"

Understanding Engineers - Take Six
"Normal people believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it."
Engineers believe that "if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough
features yet"
 
How to identify the different engineering disciplines-

If you can see and it moves, it is mechanical engineering.
If you can see it and it doesn't move, it is civil engineering.
If you can't see it and it moves, it is electrical engineering.
If you can't see it, but it stinks, it is chemical engineering.

(I work with with a bunch of chemical engineers)
 
No such thing as "half-empty"

No such thing as "half-empty"

Alan Coats said:
...If you can't see it, but it stinks, it is chemical engineering.
Classic! :D

My take on the glass half-full/empty:
"Full" is an adjective which defines a containment volume equal to the capacity of the container. It is singular and has a numerical value of 1. Hence the phrases "a tankfull", "a mouthfull", etc. "Empty" is the state of a container's vacancy regardless of its capacity. It has an intrinsic value of 0.

Any vessel/container may be "half full," (more correctly: half-filled) because half of 1 is .5. But half of empty is still empty... zero halved is still zero.


/egghead
//should be slapped for this at Mentone
 
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I like the very old definition of an engineer as the guy who calculates 2 times 2 on his slide rule (I told you it was old) gets 3.98 and says "we'll call that 4".

mike G
 
Definition of a Chemical Engineer

Definition of a Chemical Engineer

CHEMICAL ENGINEER: n. A person who does for profit what a chemist does for fun. see also "Prostitution"

Q: What is the difference between a chemist and a chemical engineer?
A: Oh, about $30 K a year.

Udi :cool:
 
"should be slapped for this at Mentone"

Yes, definately! Couldn't find you thursday, might try again on saturday. :D
 
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