To the Guy Who Tried to Mug Me

GrantR

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AN ACTUAL CRAIG'S LIST PERSONALS AD

To the Guy Who Tried to Mug Me in Downtown Savannah night before last.

Date: 2009-05-27, 1 :43 a.m. E.S.T.

I was the guy wearing the blackBurberry jacket that you demanded that I hand over, shortly after you pulled the knife on me and my girlfriend, threatening our lives. You also asked for my girlfriend's purse and earrings. I can only hope that you somehow come across this rather important message.

First, I'd like to apologize for your embarrassment; I didn't expect you to actually crap in your pants when I drew my pistol after you took my jacket. The even ing was not that cold, and I was wearing the jacket for a reason. My girlfriend had just bought me that Kimber Model 1911 .45 ACP pistol for my birthday, and we had picked up a shoulder holster for it that very evening. Obviously you agree that it is a very intimidating weapon when pointed at your head ... isn't it?!

I know it probably wasn't fun walking back to wherever you'd come from with that brown sludge in your pants. I'm sure it was even worse walking bare-footed since I made you leave your shoes, cell phone, and wallet with me. [That prevented you from calling or running to your buddies to come help mug us again].

After I called your mother or "Momma" as you had her listed in your cell, I explained the entire episode of what you'd done. Then I went and filled up my gas tank as well as those of four other people in the gas station, -- on your credit card. The guy with the big motor home took 150 gallons and was extremely grateful!

I gave your shoes to a homeless guy outside Vinnie Van Go Go's, along with all the cash in your wallet. [That made his day!]

I then threw your wallet into the big pink "pimp mobile" that was parked at the curb ... after I broke the windshield and side window and keyed the entire driver's side of the car.

Later, I called a bunch of phone sex numbers from your cell phone. Ma Bell just now shut down the line, although I only used the phone for a little over a day now, so what 's going on with that? Earlier, I managed to get in two threatening phone calls to the DA's office and one to the FBI, while mentioning President Obama as my possible target.

The FBI guy seemed really intense and we had a nice long chat (I guess while he traced your number etc.).

;In a way, perhaps I should apologize for not killing you ... but I feel this type of retribution is a far more appropriate punishment for your threatened crime. I wish you well as you try to sort through some of these rather immediate pressing issues, and can only hope that you have the opportunity to reflect upon, and perhaps reconsider, the career path you've chosen to pursue in life. Remember, next time you might not be so lucky.Have a good day!

Thoughtfully yours,

Alex

P.S. Remember this motto ... An armed society makes for a more civil society!
 
I have seen that before, but it always makes me smile :D
 
I hadn't and that really made me laugh. Good one.
 
Thats the way to use a gun, much more powerful than pulling the trigger.
 
Spiffy until he starts engaging in criminal activity himself

If everyone with a gun to defended himself turned to crime it certainly would be a problem. But since it doesn't seem to be that way, your comment would seem a little irrelevant.
 
Leigh, I think his point was that much of the revenge tactics, including credit card fraud and vandalism, were illegal.

It's not worth the visit to Snopes, but this looks like hyperbolic fiction.
 
Leigh, I think his point was that much of the revenge tactics, including credit card fraud and vandalism, were illegal.

It's not worth the visit to Snopes, but this looks like hyperbolic fiction.

Precisely. Defending himself was good. Taking the mugger's cellphone and shoes was acceptable in that light. I like the idea of calling his mother.

Stealing his money makes the author a mugger just like the erstwhile thief. You can't steal money at gun point and claim self defense. As mentioned, credit card fraud and also cell fraud are illegal, regardless of whether you play Robin Hood and give the proceeds of your armed robbery to others. And where does breaking the windows of an apparently unrealted "pimpmobile" and keying it enter into the equation? Just because it happened to be parked where the incident took place?
 
All I can say if this were true he is lucky he didn't run into me......And I'll leave it at that so ya'll can run your fantasies wild.... :)
 
I was told "Never bring a knife to a gun fight". But then I learned that knives can be more dangerous than guns. Better to have both I say :)

I've seen variations of this story. Must be urban legend.
 
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