The Sunshine State

[Resasi]

As a regular visitor, and big fan I enjoyed this.

The Florida Code.

When giving directions in Florida , you must always start with the words, "take I-75, take I-4 or take I-95..."

If you're a snowbird or a non-working retiree, you absolutely cannot drive between the hours of 6 A.M. to 10 A.M. AND 4 P.M. to 7 P.M. This is considered to be RUSH HOUR and you are not in any rush. NO EXCEPTIONS.

Freeways can only go north and south . . . Not east and west.

Tolls are a fact of life, the state has to make money, so deal with it!

I-275 ( Tampa area) will always be under construction ... that's the law and there is nothing anyone can do about it, period!

'A1A' and 'ALT A1A' are the same road.

Traffic lights are not timed and never will be.

We measure the distance we travel in time - not miles.

If you travel more than 5-10 miles on any road in any part of Florida without seeing an orange barricade, you're lost!

If you miss your exit on I-75, I-4 or I-275, its perfectly acceptable to back up!

Every street in Florida has both a name and a number (i.e. Adamo = Rt. 60) just for the heck of it and also for the pleasure we get from reaction of visitors when we give them directions.

Once the light turns green, only 3 cars can go through the intersection eight more go through on yellow, and 4 more on red.

Know the difference between SunPass, Sun Fest, Sun-Sentinel and Sun Trust.

Flip flops, tank tops and baggy shorts are also known as business casual.

Your blinker means nothing.

It is perfectly acceptable to brag about the size of your generator.

We have alligators in Florida, they WILL bite you if given the chance. Don't be stupid and try to feed or pet one.

When a hurricane is headed our way, even though you have advanced warning and you are told to be prepared, you're not a true Floridian unless you wait until the absolute last minute to go to Home Depot to pick up plywood or to Publix to stock up water, ice, and potato chips.

You know how to spell Okeechobee. There is an Okeechobee Lake , Town, County, Blvd, Street, and Avenue.

A true Floridian does NOT own a boat. They make friends with someone who already owns one. That way you don't have to deal with any of the headaches.

You weren't born here. If you were, you're angry that everyone else has moved here.

There's always a Walgreens across the street from a CVS on almost every corner - with more being built every day.

When picking up a woman on South Beach , always check for an Adams apple.

It's normal to sweat when putting up Christmas decorations.

There is a city called 'The Villages' where 77,000 old people live that all drive golf carts and dance in the streets.

Jupiter is a city, not a planet.

Seniors have to do their errands during the weekdays . . not weeknights or weekends . . that's for the working folks.

You can't say; 'this is how we did it up north'. If you think that way, then go back up north. Just remember, I-95 and I-75 run both ways.

No matter what they decide in Tallahassee, you will never, ever, be able to figure out your property taxes.

Learn how to dress in layers. It will be 95 degrees outside. But inside any restaurant or business it's 65 degrees.

This would be even funnier if it weren't so darn true.

 

[choppergabor]

So true...but I wouldn't want it any other way.....well maybe a bit fewer mosquitoes if I could ask for something....

 

[jcarleto]

Aw c'mon, Leigh..you missed some good ones:

The color change associated with the change of seasons is apparent only on automobile license plates.

A palmetto bug (cockroach) may be indistinguishable from a small dog.

If you happen to see a brown purse with a tuft of white hair on top at Hallandale Beach, don't mess with it...it could be someone's grandmother.

A visit to the Florida Keys (Conch Republic) may require a passport (to get back into Florida).

Every major road has an accompanying adjacent canal. They are deep, because that is where the roadbed originated.

If you mention Jupiter, you also should include Venus and my favorite, "Sun-Over-Beach, Florida."

The Seminole Indians never signed a truce with the US Government and were officially at war with the US well into the 1960's. If you don't believe that, spend some time in one of their casinos.

Sixty degrees is heavy jacket and long johns weather South of Orlando.

There are more, but I've been away now for over a decade and memory fades.

 

[Resasi]

Good one's Jon.

Coming there from Africa I was used to insects, but have to admit to being most impressed first time I saw a Palmetto bug!

Loved the Key's...and Key Lime pie, nearly bought a plot down there, but chose St Lucie instead, mistake.

Was in Miami when they made Midnight Cowboy, and quite understood why Joe Buck and Ratso Rizzo wanted to go there, it was a real fun place to be.

 

[Lee Scatt]

We haven't seen sunshine in a week. Rain, rain and more rain.
Leigh, I think St. Lucie was a great choice. I love Key West, but only as a visitor.
Y'all come on down and we'll feed the gators.

 

[Heron]

When on I-95 . . .watch your speed!
Heron

 

[Penguin]

A\
If you happen to see a brown purse with a tuft of white hair on top at Hallandale Beach, don't mess with it...it could be someone's grandmother.

DUDE!
That is SO wrong. And SO funny.
Local humor.
I bet not 3 people on this forum will get it ...

 

[Resasi]

Depends what they're going to be fed Lee?? My plot at St Lucie was intended to fund the two seater, it's halved in value and definitely won't fund what Augustus Klimpt is building.

Will be trying to see when I can get on back over. Have had some repairs/upgrades to the prerotator...and my ankle, and hoping we can get her into the air.

Hoping Davie will be getting his Dom together sometime soon, Stu will be needing some dual time.

 

[jcarleto]

Larry,

I consider Hallandale Beach one of the most frightening places on the globe. If you ever want to cure someone from EVER considering a tattoo, 10 minutes on that beach in the tourist season should just about do it.

Uh...there will be side effects...but nothing a few dozen years of good psychotherapy can't fix.

 

[JRB549]

Love it but we call 'em Yankees not snowbirds....may have lost the war but they love our fried chicken!

 

[Penguin]

I consider Hallandale Beach one of the most frightening places on the globe.

Au contraire! A visit there makes me feel SO much better about myself!
:first:

 

[Brent Drake]

Guys, A little lesson on the United States interstate system.

All interstates ending in an odd number goes north and south.
All interstates ending in an even number goes east and west
all interstates that have three numbers goes nowhere, they are a non ending circle.
So, if Florida has an interstate 4 it runs east and west. But it may be short or run southeast and northwest.

Our 911 system used for roads in many states

If the address is say 1365 east 150 south
The house is located 1.365 miles east of a city circle and 1.5 miles south of that circle.
All homes on the east and north side of the road will have the last number even.
All homes on the west and south side of the road will have the last number odd.
This works much better than 300 road names in a county to remember.

 

[Thomas]

Florida

Florida

I live near the center of the state. At the end of our cul-de-sac is The Swamp. It is thick with thorny vines that latch around anything attempting to enter. They pull anything they catch into the wall of vegitation so thick even a machete can't penetrate. The swamp is a penitentiary, dark, watery, filled with gators, mosquitoes and snakes.

Nice place to live;

1. Helicopters fly over twice a month spraying the swamp to kill mosquitoes.
2. The swamp is quiety, unpopulated and dark in a romantic sense.
3. Gators will run away when you approach; usually.
4. The birds echo their soprano love songs and the gators a baritone croak.
5. The sun is filtered streaks of lilght through tree tops.
6. Hurricanes nor tornatoes can intrude The Swamp.

The beach is only 30 miles away in either direction east or west; but I prefer the swamp.

 

[WaspAir]

You can buy inexpensive topo maps of Florida showing all the elevation change at any office supply store, in packages of 500. Just ask for a ream of "blank paper".

I heard there used to be a hill near Eglin AFB, but they had it removed because it confused everybody.

 

[Penguin]

Apparently our left coast friends are unfamiliar with "the mountains of I95".
Some call 'em land fills, but we know better.

 

[REDHORSE556CES]

Florida

Florida

One more: In the summer you learn to drive with one finger from each hand until the A/C cools off the steering wheel.

 

[Resasi]

Those 'hills', don't they cover them in some form of plastic, then flare off, or collect the methane?

Yeah, getting to Jeddah bought back memories of red hot car interiors. Mind you in Saudi we could get up to 52*C in summer, don't recollect it quite that hot in Miami.

 

[i3 roberto]

And don't fly to low in the swamp

 

[Penguin]

Yeah, they used to burn the methane.
Don't see that anymore, but no idea if they collect it.
Sure can smell 'em, tho.

In Abu Dhabi, I routinely saw 55C (131F) in the car.
The Emiratis would just leave the car running with the A/C on so it would stay cool.
They had to install exhaust fans in the mall parking garages to deal with the fumes.

 

[Resasi]

Larry the first car I had in Jeddah was a Datsun 220C, the magic part was it had Middle East specced and had two aircon's, a front and back which cooled the car down very quickly. This inspired an idea.

My Uncle was at the time developing photovoltaic cells that would power a small water pump that could be mounted on a wheel barrow and was used for low cost aid in irrigation for poor farmers in India.

My idea was to mount a mat of these on your car roof to charge a battery that could then continuously run a small aircon in the car while parked outside during the day. At the time miniaturization, battery and solar cell costs ruled it out, but I did finally see it done a couple of years back, and becoming very popular.