My sister is an addict...

trl0219

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Hello everyone,

I am lost and my family needs help. My sister is a heroin/cocaine addict. She met the wrong guy who had a serious problem and he helped make it her problem. February 2009, we all knew she had a problem but never knew the extent. The day before my birthday, I exploded. I busted through the door to find her strung out in the chair with needles, bent spoons, and razor blades on the end table. She had locked her 3 year old daughter in her room full of dirty diapers with no sheets on the bed and not enough room on the floor to walk. Cops came and had to tell her to put shoes on to go to jail. She was completely wasted. After 14 days in rehab, which was as long as they could keep her with the involuntary commitment, she bailed her boyfriend out of jail and went right back to the needle. My parents have had custody of the child ever since. They can't do it anymore.

Two days ago she came to see the kid and right away I could tell she was stoned. I caught her in the bathroom getting high. I should have just killed her myself. I grabbed her keys and called the cops. After trying to fight me for the keys and claiming she was clean and had nothing to hide, she took off out the back door into the woods and disappeared into the night.

The next day my parents got a hold of her and forced her to come take a drug test. She tried using pee from a condom while my mom watched. Is that admitting your guilt or what? She still claims she is clean even after the condom thing still tested positive. She is so out of her mind she used dirty urine to fake a drug test! She won't admit she has a problem and does nothing but lie. Then on top of that I find out she has been "dancing" to make money. My heart is aching.

Does anybody know of any programs or "legal" ways that we can get her put away. We have tried everything "legal" that we can. I'm going to be forced to take matters into my own hands very soon. I just don't want to ruin my life trying to fix hers. I am open to any ideas or suggestions.

Thank you to all who took the time to read this.

Sincerely,
Tim Langley
 

choppergabor

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Tim my heart goes out for you and your family. This is an excellent program called intervention with a lot of success. Here is where you can sign on. http://www.aetv.com/intervention/participate/ If you need help with the 3 year old daughter of hers and want to get her away from the druggie environment I will offer a total taking care of the little one at no charge in our home with my wife. PM me if you are interested. You are doing God's work here. Good luck.
 
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CLS447

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Wow , bummer !

I wish you & her the best of luck ! She is a weak person .
 

animal

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been there,done that, my ex wife was on crack. 3 rehabs.and not a bit of good, she has to want to get clean, problem is she does not want to and as long as that loser guy is around she won't. I finely had enough and got a devorice. sad thing is my ex is still on the streets doing crack. just glad she is no longer my problem.

all I can say is good luck,don't mess up your life trying to fix hers, it is not worth it.
 
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trl0219

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Choppergabor - I don't know what to say. I thank you so very much for such a kind hearted offer. You are truly a wonderful person. I was going to say I hope to meet you some time and thank you in person, but I know that we WILL meet sooner or later. May God bless you.

Chris - Thank you very much and yes, she is very weak-minded.

Tim
 

choppergabor

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Tim you are doing the right thing. The offer is good and it's your decision to take us up on it! :) I really hope she gets help. And no I don't believe that she is a bad person. She is actually lucky to have someone like you to love her and wanting to help her. I wish you luck and strength to go through this. Nothing is worse than seeing a loved one self-destruct and not being able to stop it. I did. Both my parents were alcoholics. I would say I can claim the "been there done that" phrase. God bless you my friend and let me know if we can help.
Gabor
 

j bird

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Tim, I really feel for you, I know exactly what your going through, my son was a heroin-meth addict, San Quentin prison, back alleys of Philly, you name it he done it, major criminal. The only thing that will save her, is herself. Do not be co-dependent, let her know that you love her and will help if she asks for help. Stay out of her life, she will just hurt you. Do not give her any money, a place to crash, etc. as long as she's using, she's not to be trusted. Do not try to force her, you'll just get hurt. Heroin is a hard one to beat. Only thing you can really do is hope and pray she comes to her senses.
By the way my son has been clean for the last eight years, painting contractor, married, three beautiful children.
 

trl0219

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Animal - You are very right, it is not worth it. I am very sorry about what you have been through, and I hope that someday, for her own sake that she can get clean. As far as that loser guy, nothing gets to me more than the fact that I went to the cops when he threatened to kill me, my girlfriend, and my dogs while we slept and they did nothing. But if I was to go and rip him a new one, they'd be at my house in 5 minutes and throw me in jail for assault or attempted murder. I hate feeling like I can't do anything. Thank you for your support.

Gabor - She is a great person with a bad problem, a problem that has caused her to forget who she is. I'm sorry about your parents. I know that had to be hard for you. All I can say is thank you for being the person that you are. I don't know if my parents could let go of that child. I have even thought about adopting her from them. I just don't know if I can do it. I'm not ready for all that. I don't know what will happen over the next few weeks, but I will keep you in mind. Thanks again for your kindness.

Tim Langley
 

trl0219

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Jay - Thank you for the support. You're exactly right about cutting all ties, but how do I make my parents do that? They are too soft. They love her so much they can't do what is right. They give in too easily because they hate to see her daughter cry for mommy and they say she needs to see her. I can't get through to them. I'm almost afraid I'm gonna end up saying something to them that I will regret. I'm very happy for your son. I see now how hard it is to come out of an addiction. Tell him congratulations for me and I wish him the best. The same goes to you. Thank you again.

Tim Langley
 

Timchick

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Some churches have programs to help addicts. Our church has one. A lot of time they help the addicts that are serving time and when they get out of prison they continue to work with them. See if there are any churches in your area with similar programs. I've seen a lot of people helped and it is truly a miracle hearing some of their stories.
 

trl0219

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Tim - I will definitely check into that. The only problem is getting her to get help. She has to want help. Right now she doesn't even think she has a problem. I would love to get her arrested. I know that sounds bad but I'm starting to think it's the only way to cut her off from all her junkie friends.

Thanks for the support,
Tim Langley
 

Resasi

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A tragic, desperate situation Tim.

Sometimes tough love is the last resort. One that a loving relative is forced to turn to in order to help not only her, but parents and her child or children, all of whom are being severely emotionally damaged by her actions.

The chain and trail of destruction that drugs leave from their manufacture, passage to market, distribution, sale and finally consumption is literally marked by spilled blood and destroyed lives.
 

StanFoster

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Tim- Man, this was a tough thread to read. My heart goes out to you and your family. Just remember that there are divine powers that created this universe, and this problem could be fixed in a twinkling of an eye, but we are given a free will, and a choice of the path we take. Some people hit bottom hard enough to actually want to change. What really teared me up is Gabors offer to take that little child in. Now that is the gold nugget in this thread. This child is worth investing in, and I would gladly send down a set monthly amount to help out. Contact me by PM please. Stan
 
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Passin' Thru

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Stan wrote:
This child is worth investing in, and I would gladly send down a set monthly amount to help out. Contact me by PM please. Stan

Following Stan's example, I too will pledge a monthly check for this childs support. PM me.

Also, if you need any finiancial assistance in making the transfer, I can help with that also.

You can rest comfortably knowing the child is in good care of a fine family.

Tim, having seen a number of simular circumstances I will tell you, save the child and save yourself! That situation can drag every emotionaly attached person down with it. YOU can not help your sister. When one fall to that level, only GOD can save her, and often HE deals with a hard hand!
Take care my friend, and do what you gotta do.

Pete Johnson
 

Dirtydog

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trl0219 :

You right about this (she) has to want to change her life.

I have a brother that is the same way. He is now 47 and has always been the party guy. That is what life is to him one big party. So right now he is homeless and no job. Everyone in the family has tried to help change his life around and talk to him to make him understand. 2 weeks ago he came to me and told me can I put a tent up in your back yard. I promise I won't bug you. I told him I would let him stay with me but he had to follow my rules. "My house my rules" I spent more time going behind him than when my kids lived at home. Then one night when I walked by and smelled the JD on him. I asked who told you, you could drink my JD. He explained he told my wife he was getting some. she said I never heard him ask me anything.... I told that is it. I mean to say he was drunk also!

My dad has tried to help him. Gave him an old house to fix up 10 years ago. dad had a temp meter 30amps put up. what did he do he moves in and starts running everything off extension cords (ref. window a/c, light) the house had not bathroom and no septic system and no running water to it. He would catch rain water to take a bath with..... My dad finial had to tell him I gave you the house to fix up so you would have a place to stay. After 10 years the house still has never been fixed up and now my dad is going to have it torn down. Dad told him you fix it up and install the septic system and I will pay for the well to be put in. I told my brother you buy the septic tank and drain lines and I will install it in the ground with the backhoe I have. But you have to buy the stuff. He never did anything...

So you see the person has to want to help them selfs first....
 
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Vance

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Hello Tim,

I feel for your challenge.

Based on my experience, I suggest going to Alanon meetings.

This is a 12 step program for friends and family of alcoholics and addicts.

They each have their own personality so try more than one.

I have found it helps to recognize that you are not the only one going through this kind of challenge and you’re powerless over what the addict does.

You can only change your response to it.

You will have people to call when the situation becomes unbearable that know what it is like.

I feel the drama tends to make it worse.

It is easy to focus on the person with the addiction. I feel you need help too and the healthier you are the better position you will be in to help her when the time comes.

If you can get your whole family going to meetings you will be able to be consistent in your response and she will have less success manipulating the individuals in the family.

All the best, Vance
 

Heron

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Not an easy task for some people to "see" what they have become, they try to though it up and dig deeper down.
Race, upbringing, traumas, etc will compound the problem.
Professional help, lots of love and some money will be required.
Don try to corner such person, it will cause more problems.
Stay firm and do your part! God bless you and family.
Heron
 

Mark E

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A three year old is a precious jewel.

You are a good man, Gabor. and you too, Stan and Pete.

Tim, I hope you can help them both, I wish you well.
 

choppergabor

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Thank you Mark, I appreciate all the ones who are willing to step up to the plate for one innocent 3 years old little precious life to save. My hats off to you Gentlemen. Stan, Pete you guys never disappoint me (and for that matter anyone) and proud to call you friends. This is what the quick rundown of a junkie looks like in a sequences of mug shots. A "Pretty Momma" pretty girl turns into a "Someone forgot to bury this one" rather quickly. Imagine how hard this must be to a loved one to watch! http://poetry.rotten.com/spiral/
 
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j bird

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Tim, Take Vance's advise about Alanon, make sure your parents go with you, it will help with the pain, steer you in the right direction.
 
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