B. Jackson
03-10-2008, 08:43 PM
Hi All at Rotary Forum.
My name is Brian Jackson and I used to frequent this forum religiously. Many of you already know me, and for those that don’t, greetings.
I’ve been away for many months… close to a year? Hard to remember things chronologically. Nonetheless, it feels wonderful to be back here on this forum. To recap, I’m building “QB”; a plans-built GyroBee whose airframe is seeing light of day again after an exhaustive year of change and personal growth… me, not the airframe!
My friend Tom Milton (hope he sees this post) mentioned me in the “Rock & Roll” music thread, and it made me feel wonderful to know I was remembered by the people for whom I have such deep respect and admiration.
In a nutshell (if anyone cares), it’s no secret that a year and a half ago I checked myself into an institution in New Jersey for severe depression and substance abuse. I returned home to Michigan a month later feeling reborn. But after 4 months I was caving into depression and anxiety again, slipping ever deeper into a dark mental state with each passing day. My gyro build progress came to a halt and I was turning into a recluse again at the expense of my job that I loved so much.
One day I woke up and had a moment of clarity beyond any I’d previously experienced. It suddenly occurred to me that I’m not crazy at all… I just hate my life. I hate this house, I hate this town, and my wife thinks intimacy is a “dog treat” doled out for special occasions 4 times a year. Too much information but you get the idea. Well so did I, finally. During morning coffee I politely told her I wanted to separate and, to nobody’s surprise, she agreed. It was to be an amicable and temporary departure.
Nada.
How many times have you heard people say “Gee, if I could just do it all over, but…..” But what? Put up or shut up. So I put up. I decided to make an experiment out of this. After all, how many times in life are we afforded this opportunity? I wanted to know if it was possible to give away nearly all of my possessions (TVs, house, stereos, cell phones, furniture, etc.), move to a new town as a complete stranger, and find happiness in 30 days.
I may as well have thrown a dart at a map. I saw the name of this town in the first newspaper I picked up and called about apartments for rent. I leased the first place I saw (to maintain that impulsive spontaneity spirit) and promptly moved what precious little I owned into it. When I say “precious little” I mean just that. Rather than dividing up “stuff” I examined everything I’ve acquired over the years and set some criteria: If it didn’t add value to my life, either monetary, sentimental or utilitarian in the past 12 months, it’s gone. What’s surprising is how little I owned that met that criteria. What little that passed those requirements neatly fit in my truck, and that’s what I came here with.
I promptly moved into a 1-room studio apartment, which was quite a contrast to the 2-story, 4 bedroom white house on a double lot I’d been accustomed. One of the things I brought with me was a very nice Japanese Tea Set… it’s a simple pleasure I’d recently come to adore in its ritualistic use. It was over tea one morning thereafter, watching the morning sun, I realized I was smiling. I felt happy and content for the first time. It was only afterward I looked at a calendar and realized it was day 30. Remember the “experiment?”
I concluded it is indeed possible to change your whole life and find happiness in 30 days. Even better. I’m told by many of my new and genuine friends I’ve made here that there was something in my eyes they were drawn to. I take an active interest in other people now that I didn’t do before. I walk down the street or go to the grocery store and women give me their phone numbers, guys invite me to cookouts… it’s the strangest thing. But several have told me there’s a “glow” they could sense. People just open up to me for some reason I can’t explain.
I dated the “hottest chicks in town” for a while, kinda like trying on new clothes after wearing Goodwill duds for years. Definitely an ego boost. I lost 30 pounds in the process (wink wink, nudge nudge for you Monty Python fans!) and discovered I’m a true romantic. Row-boating and mowing your girlfriend’s parent’s lawn can do that. I even became a very loved dad-figure for a girlfriend’s kids whom I took to school, cooked meals for and helped with homework. In short, I asked God what Kind of evil person I was during my divorce, and I think he tested and showed me I wasn’t evil at all, just unhappy. Unfortunately the same cannot be said for the kids’ mother whom I met in AA. I miss them greatly. After a few months of mayhem she caved and moved in with her drug dealer. Hey, I gave it my best.
I’m now dating a lady and we absolutely adore each other in every respect. She’s the sister of the best friend I’ve made since living here. We’re inseparable. I find it fascinating how not only life can test us, but how unforeseen circumstances make us cross paths of others. I won’t bore you with how I became her brother’s friend. Only that the past makes the future possible.
Life’s been a struggle, but I’ve never looked back. A few months ago I was contacted by the engineering company I used to work for (the one I loved so much before the divorce) and am now working for them full time on a freelance basis. The last piece of the puzzle is in place to make a life work. They’re handing me all the engineering jobs I want, I keep my own hours, work out of my home. I can sleep ‘till noon and work at night, they treat me to expensive lunches every week… and I get to keep the job I loved so much. The thankfulness I feel every day is almost overwhelming. When I asked about this during a luncheon one day they said “It’d be a shame to let your talent go to a competitor.” That single statement floored me. They added to that by saying “You’re a realist and have the attitude we need.” My first thought was “Hey, tell that to my Ex.”
In a roundabout way I guess I’m saying “Be true to yourself.” After all, nobody else can be true on your behalf. If something doesn’t feel right, well, see a doctor and get rid of it, especially if its contagious.
Sorry for the essay. This was originally going to be a couple of short paragraphs, but hey, deal with it.
Thank you for the warm welcome back on other threads recently. You have no idea how good this feels.
Respectfully,
Brian Jackson
My name is Brian Jackson and I used to frequent this forum religiously. Many of you already know me, and for those that don’t, greetings.
I’ve been away for many months… close to a year? Hard to remember things chronologically. Nonetheless, it feels wonderful to be back here on this forum. To recap, I’m building “QB”; a plans-built GyroBee whose airframe is seeing light of day again after an exhaustive year of change and personal growth… me, not the airframe!
My friend Tom Milton (hope he sees this post) mentioned me in the “Rock & Roll” music thread, and it made me feel wonderful to know I was remembered by the people for whom I have such deep respect and admiration.
In a nutshell (if anyone cares), it’s no secret that a year and a half ago I checked myself into an institution in New Jersey for severe depression and substance abuse. I returned home to Michigan a month later feeling reborn. But after 4 months I was caving into depression and anxiety again, slipping ever deeper into a dark mental state with each passing day. My gyro build progress came to a halt and I was turning into a recluse again at the expense of my job that I loved so much.
One day I woke up and had a moment of clarity beyond any I’d previously experienced. It suddenly occurred to me that I’m not crazy at all… I just hate my life. I hate this house, I hate this town, and my wife thinks intimacy is a “dog treat” doled out for special occasions 4 times a year. Too much information but you get the idea. Well so did I, finally. During morning coffee I politely told her I wanted to separate and, to nobody’s surprise, she agreed. It was to be an amicable and temporary departure.
Nada.
How many times have you heard people say “Gee, if I could just do it all over, but…..” But what? Put up or shut up. So I put up. I decided to make an experiment out of this. After all, how many times in life are we afforded this opportunity? I wanted to know if it was possible to give away nearly all of my possessions (TVs, house, stereos, cell phones, furniture, etc.), move to a new town as a complete stranger, and find happiness in 30 days.
I may as well have thrown a dart at a map. I saw the name of this town in the first newspaper I picked up and called about apartments for rent. I leased the first place I saw (to maintain that impulsive spontaneity spirit) and promptly moved what precious little I owned into it. When I say “precious little” I mean just that. Rather than dividing up “stuff” I examined everything I’ve acquired over the years and set some criteria: If it didn’t add value to my life, either monetary, sentimental or utilitarian in the past 12 months, it’s gone. What’s surprising is how little I owned that met that criteria. What little that passed those requirements neatly fit in my truck, and that’s what I came here with.
I promptly moved into a 1-room studio apartment, which was quite a contrast to the 2-story, 4 bedroom white house on a double lot I’d been accustomed. One of the things I brought with me was a very nice Japanese Tea Set… it’s a simple pleasure I’d recently come to adore in its ritualistic use. It was over tea one morning thereafter, watching the morning sun, I realized I was smiling. I felt happy and content for the first time. It was only afterward I looked at a calendar and realized it was day 30. Remember the “experiment?”
I concluded it is indeed possible to change your whole life and find happiness in 30 days. Even better. I’m told by many of my new and genuine friends I’ve made here that there was something in my eyes they were drawn to. I take an active interest in other people now that I didn’t do before. I walk down the street or go to the grocery store and women give me their phone numbers, guys invite me to cookouts… it’s the strangest thing. But several have told me there’s a “glow” they could sense. People just open up to me for some reason I can’t explain.
I dated the “hottest chicks in town” for a while, kinda like trying on new clothes after wearing Goodwill duds for years. Definitely an ego boost. I lost 30 pounds in the process (wink wink, nudge nudge for you Monty Python fans!) and discovered I’m a true romantic. Row-boating and mowing your girlfriend’s parent’s lawn can do that. I even became a very loved dad-figure for a girlfriend’s kids whom I took to school, cooked meals for and helped with homework. In short, I asked God what Kind of evil person I was during my divorce, and I think he tested and showed me I wasn’t evil at all, just unhappy. Unfortunately the same cannot be said for the kids’ mother whom I met in AA. I miss them greatly. After a few months of mayhem she caved and moved in with her drug dealer. Hey, I gave it my best.
I’m now dating a lady and we absolutely adore each other in every respect. She’s the sister of the best friend I’ve made since living here. We’re inseparable. I find it fascinating how not only life can test us, but how unforeseen circumstances make us cross paths of others. I won’t bore you with how I became her brother’s friend. Only that the past makes the future possible.
Life’s been a struggle, but I’ve never looked back. A few months ago I was contacted by the engineering company I used to work for (the one I loved so much before the divorce) and am now working for them full time on a freelance basis. The last piece of the puzzle is in place to make a life work. They’re handing me all the engineering jobs I want, I keep my own hours, work out of my home. I can sleep ‘till noon and work at night, they treat me to expensive lunches every week… and I get to keep the job I loved so much. The thankfulness I feel every day is almost overwhelming. When I asked about this during a luncheon one day they said “It’d be a shame to let your talent go to a competitor.” That single statement floored me. They added to that by saying “You’re a realist and have the attitude we need.” My first thought was “Hey, tell that to my Ex.”
In a roundabout way I guess I’m saying “Be true to yourself.” After all, nobody else can be true on your behalf. If something doesn’t feel right, well, see a doctor and get rid of it, especially if its contagious.
Sorry for the essay. This was originally going to be a couple of short paragraphs, but hey, deal with it.
Thank you for the warm welcome back on other threads recently. You have no idea how good this feels.
Respectfully,
Brian Jackson